1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
