Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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