I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
