So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
