I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize