I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
