DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
pop tarts are not kleenex
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
