I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
