I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
