Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize