Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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