K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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