just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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