i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize