this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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