just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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