her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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