Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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