Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
