I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
