so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize