Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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