I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize