how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize