why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
