stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
