Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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