I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
