sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you had me at cake vodka
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
