the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
