I think i peed on brittanys purse
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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