can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
