So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
