My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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