life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
honey bunches of taint.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
