god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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