Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
