I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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