I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
