I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize