the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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