just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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