well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
