Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
