What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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