last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
