Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You ruined the universe
Randomize
