just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
