I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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