I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
