Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
