you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
