I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
