Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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