I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
