a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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