I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
