im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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