Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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