are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
