gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
