It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
