I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
