I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
