My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
