Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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