The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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