...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
birth control should be required to get into college
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize