No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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