dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
