glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
did you just send me my own nude
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
