I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
