It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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