I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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