I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
