so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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