Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
