Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
