if i can run in heels then i can drive
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
